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Case Study B
Laf
Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
I have
Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder as a result of prolonged and repeated traumatic events. It has developed in response to a family member sexually, physically, psychologically, emotionally and financially abusing me.
My first memory of being sexually assaulted was when I was five years old. I frequently had nightmares, fear of being alone with him – I would not let go of my mother’s hand at night. I would scream for my mum which would result in the perpetrator hurting me more.
As I entered my teenage years, I began to stand up to him which led to more punishments. He had broken me. I was sick of his abusive ways. I became angry with myself. No one seemed to care or to want to help me. I wanted to die every day because of what was happening to me. I began self-harming to help with the pain. I had to see the pain on the outside.
I often felt misunderstood and left out. I was trying to figure out my confusing life alone. I still had contact with the perpetrator until I was 22 and this affected every aspect of my life. I was trying to get through university and relying on my family financially. I didn’t want anyone to know about the sexual abuse.
At the age of 19 I was first referred to the Youth Mental Health team by my doctor due to increased disordered eating behaviours and difficulty sleeping.
My self-harm behaviours increased and at this time my GP was more concerned about my safety, and I was admitted into the in-patient psychiatric unI saw myself as a freak for being in a hospital setting and not being able to ask for help earlier. I felt like a prisoner. It felt like no one wanted to help me. I was constantly passed on from psychologist to psychologist because no one could understand me. In many ways I tried reaching out for help but no one could hear my silent screams. it for the first time.
During my hospital stays the nurses were fantastic. I was offered female nurses due to my history and was offered a lot of space. In the beginning of my journey I was frequently in the hospital, particularly over the Christmas and New Year period. I also had great supports from the Family Violence Unit and the Sexual Offenders Child Investigation Police Teams throughout the court processes. They have helped me learn how to protect myself and not rely on my family who have turned their backs on me
My family are still waiting for me to say that I lied and ask for their forgiveness.
Due to my experiences I often felt hurt and alone, leading to reckless behaviours. I met a man online and he raped me. I said no to him. I tried to push him off me. I stood up to this man by giving my evidence in court, leading to a tough court trial. I am not going to lie and say it was easy, because it wasn’t. It has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Even though it didn’t lead to a conviction I know I tried my best.
My treating clinician has helped me through everything. I no longer feel alone. The Youth Mental Health Service helped me through suicidal thoughts and behaviours in a safe way so I no longer need to be hospitalised. I have also been referred to various other services to assist with financial hardship and housing crises. My clinician identified ways to help me that no one had ever before.
Since turning 25 I am no longer a client of the Youth Mental Health Service, however I still require some assistance. I regularly take medication, attend art therapy, equine therapy and counselling. Therapy helps me to manage my emotions, flashbacks and nightmares.
I am also very fortunate to have a side-kick to get me through each day. His name is Charlie and he is my assistance dog. Charlie is a two-year-old Golden Retriever x Poodle and is still learning everyday about how best to assist me.
An assistance dog is trained to assist an individual with a disability. They can be trained by an organisation or by their handler with the help of a qualified trainer. Legally an assistance dog is classified as a supporting aid and therefore is protected in the same way a wheelchair or a walking stick is.
Since having an assistance dog with me I have gained independence. I can comfortably leave my house and not be overwhelmingly terrified of the world. Charlie is able to pick up on my emotions very quickly and if my breathing becomes out of control he will nudge my hand.
He can often be found standing on my feet, or leaning up against me to keep me grounded. Particularly at the supermarket he is a barrier between me and other people.
Despite all of my challenges, I am a member of this community. I work, study and participate in a sporting club. I have a life – I have chosen a family consisting of friends and my dogs. I choose every day to participate in this world and to look to the future, to be a member of this society. Although some may see me as crazy for struggling with my mental health, I am strong. I am not weak and I will not be pushed around.
I have chosen to not let these experiences define who I am. I now choose to be an advocate for those who struggle with their mental health in our community.
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